Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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