she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
