cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
