I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
