id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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