Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
