then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
