Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
