Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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