ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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