he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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