so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
