jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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