Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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