In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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