Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
