I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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