dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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