he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
