The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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