hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
