Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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