you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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