I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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