he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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