Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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