But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
