It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
