Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize