im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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