i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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