New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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