He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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