If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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