So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
