I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
