It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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