Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
