i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
