I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
