I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
