A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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