i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
