Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
