I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
