it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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