Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
