Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
