This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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