I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
