VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
