Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
