So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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