I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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