did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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