shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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