Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
