Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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