are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
