dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
