plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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